Grown up

I tell people that I cannot be 29 this year. 29 is grown up and I am not a grown up. And its true. A grown up was always those people in control of their lives, doing what they wanted. Living it large and loud in their own way. I feel most of the time no more in control of my life than I did as a teenager.
Then as a teen I raged against the rules and restrictions others had on my life, mistakenly thinking they were destroying my life. But now I rile against the rules and restrictions of people I don’t even respect of like…at least my parents had a right to tell me what to do. But now there are politicians and business people and academics telling me how to live my life and putting in all these rules of how I must live my life and what I HAVE to do. And what is most disgusting is as a teen I stood up and screamed against my oppression. Now I stay so silent.
I am scared to say what I mean and share who I am and how I feel. I am worried what nobodys at the other end of an internet connection might think of me if I stop playing a stupid game and have a meaningful life. Its bullshit! Who should I care. I don’t know them and they have no say over my happiness, my life.
I don’t say what I think about a corrupt system of control of our society. No longer for the people by the people but for the few by the few making millions for the few. Its all about money baby. Money that never used to exist. And sure things were pretty shit for most people in the past as far as we know and we can tell but do we honestly know they were that unhappy. Maybe being poor and using a pot for a toilet is a more satisfying life if you can get your hands dirty achieving something in your daily work, singing at the top of your lungs, sharing an ale with your friends, having an adventure just by travelling away from the house. Maybe they were happy and we are the poor schmucks living the nightmare.

Really this is a nonsensical rant with no point or meaning but its stuff I had to get out.
I am slowly transforming….and shockingly its movies that are doing it. Rot my brain tv watching. But movies are just a new form of storytelling. Sure you don’t create the pictures in your mind but hey….
I just watched what would be termed a chick flick from my childhood, Pump Up the Volume, with my once teen idolised Christian Slater. It was no oscar winning performance. It was no critic warming wonder. It was a teen movie about being true and talking hard. Say what you mean and mean what you say. And I’m doing that and I will continue to do it and (excuse my not so french) FUCK anyone who doesn’t like it. I don’t care you are no me. I am not scared of you be you fanatical, rigid or powerful. If the men in the black suits (or the white coats if it comes to that) are coming for me then as Christian said SO BE IT!

This is me I love me. My family loves me. My friends love me. Deal with it!