Of design, procrastination and mild panic

Busy morning so far. I’ve played around with the blog on transformationaffirmation.com (aka TrAff) the theme I used to use and tried to update has had a slight mental break down and now refuses to acknowledge my existence or that of my blogging. So I have found an acceptable alternative until such time as Atahaulpa takes its medication and regains normal working conditions.

I am going to be having a total overhaul at some stage this week or the next with TrAff as I created pages and a home page with the launch of my new endeavours. I am hoping that it answers the need in someone. The overhaul won’t happen overnight but it will happen (just like full volume hair). Ten years ago I was quite the little website creator, but alas technology is a fickle lover and she has left me far behind in this case. With some help from the Elven Lord (aka Hubby) I hope to be able achieve something that looks as good as I want while still being functional and not overwhelming.

So I tried to do the daily reading this morning while Kaeden was up. Not the best idea. He was in one of those moods where he doesn’t really need me to play with him. He just wants to know that he has my complete and undivided attention. So we gave up on that idea. I then tried again when he was in bed. Still nothing. Well I picked cards and I wrote but it was drivel and just didn’t feel right or flow in anyway. It was forced and not what I was meant to be writing. I tried channel surfing for a bit to shut my mind off for a bit and came across a Gavin Rossdale song. It wasn’t inspiring or anything in itself but it allowed my mind to still and my body to relax and as that lovely shiver of energy (or oxytocin) ran through my body a poem formed. It was one of the rambling, rhyming, lyrical variety. No punctuation just many lines of words that run off on their own little story and eventually come home. I don’t think I’ve ever posted on of these poems. I’m not sure if they can be read or have to be heard or have to be written in a spiral around a giant poster with a beautiful image in the centre. Once the poem had burst forth onto the paper I picked up the Celtic Dragon cards again and lo and behold it worked. The message to my mind flowed and worked and I feel good again about it.

I had a mild panic that I really couldn’t do it, I couldn’t read the cards more often than a few times at random intervals as they called to me. But it seems I just have to find that quietness of the soul, the peace of creation and let myself do it. And if that doesn’t work take a break, have a kitkat and come back again.

I’ve been thinking alot this morning about choosing my mood, that all my complaints are of my own choosing. That in fact I make myself miserable more than not. I also decided that some people simply use twitter to make others as depressed as they are. If we all made the effort to be happy it would be contagious I’m sure.

I’ve also been thinking about the real me and how I don’t always let her out. I am a mystical, spiritual, creative, crazy and wonderful person and I shouldn’t be so scared that people won’t like it. Cause the fact of the matter is that all the people that matter do like it, and lots that don’t matter like it. And if some people that are just sometimes sort of friends don’t well that is fine and we don’t have to become bosom buddies.

I had a work out this morning; well most of one, Kaeden wasn’t very happy at the concept of me on the floor and not being a jungle gym for him. But I haven’t done it in ages. I haven’t been on I AM in ages and written stuff down. In my shame I have been keeping away, from my own bloody website! Why am I ashamed? I preach that we shouldn’t be, that we should just try again. I should just follow my own advice. But I don’t, stupid girl that I am at times.

Okay that’s enough mental overflow for the moment.