Raven – Magic – OWN your power

Snake – Healing – You are a HEALER

Swan – Grace – APPRECIATE THE BEAUTY inside and all around you

So these seem pretty straight forward and what I need to hear today. I do need to honour my soul’s purpose more. I know I have all these things I want to achieve, maybe that I am meant to achieve and I haven’t achieved most of them as yet. I have a tendency to get distracted by the fun stuff in the world and in life, things that often don’t matter and definitely don’t help me get ahead in life. Like tweeting the golden globes yesterday, while obviously fun and all it didn’t help my writing get finished. It didn’t help me meditate and it didn’t help me teach the faeling child anything (except stop touching the computer but then again he didn’t seem to want to learn that)

I am a healer and the first thing I need to heal is myself. And I am working on it but I know I can work harder. I have good days and bad days. I need to have more good days, days where I like myself just that little bit more. Where I can see the beauty that is inside me, the beauty my friends and family obviously see and love. Sometimes it is hard to do. Especially at those times of the month when I am pre period so retaining that extra little chubbiness. (I nearly wrote chubby but decided that had far too many dodgy comments and I am not Ricky Gervais and can’t get away with dodgy erectile jokes)

I am enjoying working on Children of the Immortals and I am starting to see the themes in there. The messages and teachings I want to get out into the world. I think that has been my problem in the past the themes just haven’t been there or have been too hidden or too obvious. It is a fine balance and I think for once maybe I am going to get it right. I also need to realise that I am not writing this book for the prudes and unadvanced people who are going to freak out or get weird about some of the concepts I am conveying. They are not evolved yet enough to grasp it, well maybe next life people you can pick up my best selling writing and get something deep and meaningful from it. Or at least enjoy it as a good read.

I should be used to people not quite understanding me, I think and believe outside the box and that is cool and wonderful, I just need to stop caring what everyone else thinks and trying to be something I am not to fit in. It’s not me and if others don’t appreciate who I am truly am then I don’t really need them in my life anyway. I guess it’s the Leo in me that want to be loved by all and adored by many. But the Leo in me should also want them to adore me for me and not as someone else. So today’s mission be myself totally everywhere I go and communicate. Own my uniqueness, my power. Stand tall and shake my feathers for everyone to see. I hate pretending and editing myself to be more user friendly.

As Mika says Love Love ME!

Giraffe – Foresight – YOU ARE ABLE TO SEE what is in store for the future

Monkey – Ingenuity – The situation calls for ADAPTABILITY and INNOVATION

So these ones are so straight forward to interpret in some ways so I will just start typing and see what comes from their inspiration.

The giraffe one makes me think about the power of visualisation. Paul McKenna is very big on the power of positive visualisation. And it is something I am trying to do. I am trying to visualise myself healthy and happy, able to leap tall buildings…wait back up LOL. Able to walk up steep hills with no hint of breathlessness. I want to go to Cathedral Cove again (That is the beach in Prince Caspian that the kids find themselves on when they poof back to Narnia). It is one of the most favourite beaches of Al and his friends. We don’t go often cause I am so embarrassed at how difficult I find the climb back up. It’s horrible being that way. I am visualising myself being able to go down, have a good day swimming and still have the energy to walk back up and not look like a total unfit muppet. I am visualising myself being able to fit my very cool clothes again, my Victoria secret bikini, my cool gypsy tops. To belly dance in a proper outfit without being ashamed of my flab doing continuing shimmies. I know I can achieve this one day at a time.

I realise now after years of attempts (back when I had very little to lose really) that fads and instant fixes either don’t work or are not sustainable. It’s all good cutting out carbohydrates but the day you go back to them again *insert balloon effect here* It’s not worth it. I’d rather take one day at a time and make it count. Every little effort is a step towards making yourself fitter and healthier. If five minutes is all I can muster on day one of trying a new exercise routine then so be it. Tomorrow I will try for six minutes and then seven minutes. Each day I get closer to my goal and I can celebrate my success.

My other big thing is to not deny myself something if I want it, but to compensate. Spend two days eating super super healthy so on day three I can have that smaller portion size banana split I want. I know already that I have the kind of personality if you deny me something I just want it all the more. I am only human, not some god with the will power of the ages. I know I want things that aren’t the healthiest for me, and life is not worth living if you can’t have enjoyment. So I know I can do things to make moderation okay. I can exercise and burn those extra calories, I can eat healthier in other areas and have smaller portion sizes. (Big tip here, use a smaller plate then your mind still sees a full plate….it does work), and I can eat slower and give my stomach a chance to realise it is full. I want to be healthy and happy not healthy and miserable. I know I will have junk food, fast food, decadent over the top goodness, from time to time. It’s not a problem, it is a reality and I embrace that fact and I accommodate. I know me and I’m not going to kid myself. Moderation moderation moderation.

So that is me thinking outside the box, thinking realistically. I can do this, one day at a time, keeping positive, and making the effort. And if I can then I know you can too!

In the caress of the voice and the dance of the music we are drawn out of ourselves to become, to transform, for this is war and there can be no victory without our sacrifice.

Calling and stirring

Impassioned… empowered

To Act

To Achieve

To Transform

I am frenzied and at peace.

Excited for the coming dawn

For chance

For the choice

To fight and rejoice

I feel a hand in my own and turn to see Valdinor, my elfin seeming guide. “We are here to support you.” He says simply and squeezes my hand. The sun rises. The light envelops me with a fierce heat. I feel as if I am floating within a bubble of fire and light. The light seems to flow into me and then explode out my pores, my mouth, my eyes. I know I am hanging in the air like a burning crucifixion. All the bad in my body is being burned away. I am transitioning. The light in my eyes focuses and I see the path I should be walking on. I can see on either side the path I have been taking and the path I might take but I know the one before me is the one I should be walking. There is motion around me but I cannot see anything but the paths before me.

The heat begins to ease and I am lowered to the ground once more. The animals have formed a cirle around me. There are many. I have much to learn, much support to be given and many many friends who will help me on my way if I would put use them.

Horse

Platypus

Bengal Tiger

Wolf

Dog

Robin

Hawk

Jackal

Unicorn

Dragon

Ocelot

Lioness

Bat

Tortoise

Brown bear

Snake

Rhinoceros Beetle

A woman stands among the animals. She has blonde hair and a long white dress. The sun is still shining from her. I know without asking that if I were to ask her who she is she would reply “I am you and all that you can be, I am the mother gone before and the maiden yet to come, I am the wisdom of the ancient flowing in your veins, I am knowledge and peace, I am calm and surrender.”

She smiles and I feel peace inside. I know she will aid me if I call on her

A badger steps forward from the group. I had not noticed her before. She hands me a page and I read

‘Much in your life has fallen to the back or fallen away completely. You have been lost in things that do not move you forward as you must. Other things while being more irrelevant have thankfully given you a sense of power and intrigue. But now you must find the focus you once had. You must find the path once more. It is time to focus, a time for a new beginning. A time to become.

*Read all that you can

*Learn all that you wish

*Meditate daily

*Move your body freely to define it

*Eat what nature gives you and not only what man processes. You will feel better with a body cleansed

*Drink the flowing water, the more you drink the more pure you will feel

*Love

*Bring the child up as the child you wish him to be, teach him and he will learn

Daughter of the spirit, mother of the future, stop hiding in things you know to be meaningless. Stop denying you are who you are in the crutches of what other people may expect. Stop hiding. Why hide who you are and what you believe because of the frailty of others. Any who do not accept are not truly worthy. You are a bright shining light, do not be dimmed, do not shy away. Burn bright and burn well. Bring light to those you love and be a glimmer for those lost without their light.’

I move to give the piece of parchment back to the badger but she motions it is mine to keep. I know that I need to read it daily. I know I need to focus myself.

The woman in the white dress comes to stand at my left side. Valdinor still stands patiently at my right. They both place an arm around me and I am comforted and feel strong. I can feel my real world body healing itself. Renewing its energy. I know I can be who I want to be. I know I am no addict unable to see the things that are bad for me, the things that are wrong. I know my time of sickness is over, the transition complete. I am healed. I am whole. I am focused. I am ready

Frog – Purification – CLEAR OUT the clutter
Raccoon – Resourcefulness – You have all the RESOURCES you need
Horse – Freedom – You always have a CHOICE

So the last few weeks have been frantic with family sickness and stuff. I haven’t been as active as I could have been. The last few days I have been sick AGAIN. One thing is clear to me I never get sick like this when I am active and healthy!! So I am to it today. Still not feeling the best but feeling well enough thanks to some panadol. So today I try Zumba for the first time. I flicked through the DVD and it looks fun and I love dancing what more can I want?

So I have the resources I need to do everything I want and need to do to get fit, to get healthy, to get rid of this post pregnancy overhang and get my body nice and healthy ready for us to start trying for our next child.

I always have the choice to eat good or bad and to exercise or not to exercise. And as I am lazy by nature I generally make the wrong choice for my own good.

It is time to clear out the clutter of my life, bad habits and all the emotional type stuff, as well as physical. My bedroom looks like a clothing store exploded, everything that was packed from our trip to Auckland as well as the last 2 loads of washing all got thrown into a pile after I went crazy trying to find a certain pair of Kaeden’s pants.

So I have reorganised the I AM message board and started using it again. I welcome anyone else who wants to use it with me, or just come support me.

Dictionaries define bohemians as – A person with artistic or literary interests who disregards conventional standards of behaviour. The film ‘Moulin Rouge’ defined a bohemian as someone who values Freedom, Beauty, Truth and Love. The musical ‘Rent’ has a whole song and reprise dedicated to the concept (Click here to read the lyrics).

To me, Bohemian is all of the above and more. Bohemian is a state of mind. It is living for life, for Freedom, Beauty, Truth and Love, living for you, for everything you can be and all that the world can become.

There is no single all encompassing definition of any concept/theology/belief for differing people. We are all different and we exist in different ways. It does not take away from the truth any of us know or live by. And yes, you can disagree with that statement if you that’s how you feel….it would just be one small way we differ. There’s nothing wrong with that.

I am bohemian as I define it for me. (I can’t presume to define it for anyone else.) That is part of the bohemian truth I strive for.

Some would say I am not as I still live with creature comforts. I have a lovely house and lifestyle block. I have a car and nice clothes and I even have a piece of Swarovski designed jewellery. I have internet, I have Sky TV. I am not “slumming it” as some would say the true artistic bohemian does. But that does not change the things I truly value and strive for, balance and evolution among them.
At some stage maybe I will live a much simpler, rustic, good life and I may look back and say I was kidding myself that I could be a bohemian while still maintaining any sort of modern materialistic existence. But I doubt it.

I would love not to be reliant on material things; to be a truly evolved soul. I would love to not have any attachment to my Playstation Singstar games, my pretty shiny things, my favourite dressy top, but I do have attachment to these things for one reason. They help me express myself. Not define myself – I am still myself in all my glory without these things, but they do help me express my creativity, my uniqueness, my personality.

I love to sing even if I can’t do it in tune and Singstar allows an outlet for that love and a way to share it. My jewellery and my clothes are a reflection of how I feel and how I see myself. Coloured and accessorised for my mood. Some are homemade, some are second hand, and some are brand new. Although I can say, none of them cost all that much, even brand new.

Maybe that’s the bohemian in me I can’t see the point in spending hundreds of dollars on something that can be made or found for much less if you don’t need that named label in the back.

I buy DVD’s to watch, to lose myself in another world, to inspire my own imagination or purely for enjoyment.

Sure, now I have less money due to my lifestyle choices; I’ve now relegated these things well down the list and it will therefore be some time before I am buying any more. I don’t need them. They do not define me or own me.
I want to put my time and money elsewhere in my quest for my bohemian haven and heaven. Plants for the garden or a water tank are far more important to my existence. And now, my money priorities change again as I have a new life growing within me, a little baby soon to be born will need to be looked after and that is far more important than a copy of ‘Sweeney Todd’ on DVD.

I would love for a time when money means nothing (although currently we are heading towards it being worth nothing or buying next to nothing). I believe in a more co-operative existence. Bartering and helping each other to a better life. I would love nothing more than to have a community here on my own land and everyone sharing the load and getting everything they need and even things that they want. I am going to work to achieve something close to this.

I will create my own version of bohemianism in my soul and in my heart. I will learn to evolve and change. I will learn to sacrifice (as with any change or transformation there must be a loss or sacrifice of the old ways/life/existence/stuff). I will be a better me. For my sake, for the worlds sake, for my child’s sake.

There is nothing more powerful than being who you truly can be and achieving all that you have inside you. Whether it is who you are destined or fated to be means nothing if you don’t take the steps to get there.

I know I am going to stumble from time to time, going to stray from the path but eventually if I keep going I will get where I want to go. It does not matter how I got there as long as I take the journey.

Okay so today is a good day where I am able to choose my mood, pick my battles. I had a good nights sleep. Kaeden is being good (well good for Kaeden, he has tried to go exploring into forbidden territory a few times lol) and I feel good. So its an easy decision. The trick will be remembering this wisdom and this enlightenment when I am not feeling the same way. When I am tired and grouchy and feel the world is conspiring to make my life a misery. (Cause I am egotistical enough to think the universe has nothing better to do with time that to make me miserable). I need to bring myself to the point when I am miserable that I can remember and can actually choose my mood. It would make my life so much better if I did. Because at the end of the day my grump is only making me more miserable. I should find something to be happy about, or enthused about. Take a walk, meditate, watch Practical Magic, have a hug. Anything that inspires good feelings.
Sometimes we need some help to be able to choose our mood positively. And getting help is not cheating or defeating the purpose.

Today I am choosing my mood. Today I am choosing to feel positive and loved. To feel snuggly in a warm home listening to the rain fall outside. The rain that will help the grotto grow..sorry too much Johnny and the Sprites with Kaeden. Instead of dreading tomorrow being alone here with K, I am enjoying being with A.

So remember don’t sweat the petty things and don’t pet the sweaty things!