Raven – Magic – OWN your power

Snake – Healing – You are a HEALER

Swan – Grace – APPRECIATE THE BEAUTY inside and all around you

So these seem pretty straight forward and what I need to hear today. I do need to honour my soul’s purpose more. I know I have all these things I want to achieve, maybe that I am meant to achieve and I haven’t achieved most of them as yet. I have a tendency to get distracted by the fun stuff in the world and in life, things that often don’t matter and definitely don’t help me get ahead in life. Like tweeting the golden globes yesterday, while obviously fun and all it didn’t help my writing get finished. It didn’t help me meditate and it didn’t help me teach the faeling child anything (except stop touching the computer but then again he didn’t seem to want to learn that)

I am a healer and the first thing I need to heal is myself. And I am working on it but I know I can work harder. I have good days and bad days. I need to have more good days, days where I like myself just that little bit more. Where I can see the beauty that is inside me, the beauty my friends and family obviously see and love. Sometimes it is hard to do. Especially at those times of the month when I am pre period so retaining that extra little chubbiness. (I nearly wrote chubby but decided that had far too many dodgy comments and I am not Ricky Gervais and can’t get away with dodgy erectile jokes)

I am enjoying working on Children of the Immortals and I am starting to see the themes in there. The messages and teachings I want to get out into the world. I think that has been my problem in the past the themes just haven’t been there or have been too hidden or too obvious. It is a fine balance and I think for once maybe I am going to get it right. I also need to realise that I am not writing this book for the prudes and unadvanced people who are going to freak out or get weird about some of the concepts I am conveying. They are not evolved yet enough to grasp it, well maybe next life people you can pick up my best selling writing and get something deep and meaningful from it. Or at least enjoy it as a good read.

I should be used to people not quite understanding me, I think and believe outside the box and that is cool and wonderful, I just need to stop caring what everyone else thinks and trying to be something I am not to fit in. It’s not me and if others don’t appreciate who I am truly am then I don’t really need them in my life anyway. I guess it’s the Leo in me that want to be loved by all and adored by many. But the Leo in me should also want them to adore me for me and not as someone else. So today’s mission be myself totally everywhere I go and communicate. Own my uniqueness, my power. Stand tall and shake my feathers for everyone to see. I hate pretending and editing myself to be more user friendly.

As Mika says Love Love ME!

Pelican – Forgiveness – LET GO of your judgements

Koala – Empathy – Speak less and LISTEN MORE

So those ones are pretty self explanatory. Especially the Pelican. I think that is a person one for once. Often forgiveness is for those others in your life but I think it’s time to let go of self judgements. Body judgements, decision, judgements and all the life time of “stuff” that you are holding onto that is keeping you locked in negative cycles, self hating and loathing. The real step to being happy with your body is being happy with you, all the way through every level. Stop judging yourself and holding onto every little mistake you have made or time you have been involved in something you now regret. Okay so we need to learn from all our experiences but that does mean we need to cling to all the negative packaging that surrounds that lesson. We can’t grow and evolves and become the people we want to be if we are hunched over from the weight of all the crap on our back that we are not letting go of.

We are always going through changes and at the moment they are pretty big ones as we overhaul so many aspects of our lifestyle and ourselves. It isn’t easy and we do need to adapt and take time to realise that we need to adapt. It isn’t just going to happen (okay well sometimes it does) but really big changes do take effort to adapt to or eventually we will freak out and rebel against the changes thinking our life is no longer our control or spiralling away from us. Perhaps we all need to take time to reflect on that, meditate. Meditation doesn’t have to be about travelling to the spirit world or anything like that, it needs to be quiet time when its just you and the you inside your head. Take time to contemplate and explore life as it is going and make sure you are at peace with what is happening. There is no point in continuing on if we are not at peace with what we are doing.

Speak less, that is a rich one for me, I am constantly speaking and communicating. But I think this is to let me listen to well to me. Not just change in head first. I am often about action and not thought. I need to listen to me. To my instincts especially. We are conditioned to ignore instinct for mind. Our instincts are powerful things created and honed by all our experiences and all the wisdoms we have inherited. Use them, the more you use them, the more you trust them, the stronger and more on to it they will become. How many times have I ignored my initial gut reaction about someone and it has lead me to heartache or headache. Time to start listening up to me (that was directed at me, obviously if you are reading this you are already listening to me lol)

Not bad for 7.15am on a moody rain threatening day. I wonder if I can break my connection with the weather, so often I fall to depression that comes with the grey heavy clouds.  Speaking of depression check this article out for an interesting take on why so many woman in the western world suffer some form of depression or psychological condition. http://iamhappy.proboards.com/index.cgi?board=links&action=display&thread=35

Okay time for me to finish my green tea and get busy so I can find that time to meditate with myself.

A poem sits on the other page and though I try to read it the words never quite focus. I turn the page and there is a great tower, it is being struck by lightning and it is falling. I feel that I am inside the tower and I can feel it falling around me. Great stones toppling around me. The air is oppressive and I feel its weight. It is a great thing this tower falling. I know no magic could save its destruction. The page beside it is not fuzzy, its words beautifully calligraphy on the page.

Falling stones, falling moments, falling memories. Life rises and falls it is the nature of these things. As it falls around you be not afraid for all things must fall if we are to rebuild. This is your rebuilding. It is not smooth as the destruction is not complete yet. You feel the turmoil and destruction within you and around you. It flows through your mind and your soul and you are wound tight within it. You are near snapping and in places you have frayed. But have strength it will not tumble forever and then you may in all earnestness rebuild your tower within and without.

Do not look to the future but look to yourself. To the now and the how of who you have become and who you might wish to be. You cannot see the path ahead but need to find a place to put your feet. Look inside and see what you wish the path to hold, what you might imagine the destination to be. Walk the first step. Do not hurry.

Rome was not built in a day and neither were you. It takes time to tear down and time to build up. It takes time to return and to set forth once more. You will not build alone, you will not walk alone. You are not alone. But this alone is your decision. This alone is your struggle and though we may help we do so only at your bidding

A man enters I know him to be Valdinor but he is not in the appearance I know. “The shell is yours to change at will, as it is for me.” He says crossing the room to take my hand. I know this is not just a metaphor. My shell is mine to change if I can accept it and change it. He leads me from the room and we are in a courtyard of ruins. The vines have claimed the stones as their own and the result is beautiful. He twirls me by my hand “We have not danced in many moons, sometimes you forget you have. Your soul wishes to dance daily and yet you deny it the music from within it. You must dance and in the melody you will find your peace.” Our last dance was slow moving, elegant and beautiful. This dance as he leads me is passionate and fiery, quick moving and energetic. He stands taller now but somehow he is still the perfect height to dance me around the old stones. He dips me slowly and then spins me from him fast. I am now moving alone. The music is within me, I lead the step. I sway my body spinning to the beat. My body is alive with sensation and motion. My eyes are closed and I feel spirits around me dancing and moving with me. I sense Valdinor watching me, I sense his smile and his pride. I have not forgotten the dance of my soul, it is still here within me, flowing in my movement. I soar in delight. This is my magic. I hear his footsteps behind me and he take me into his arms once more and we dance together.

“Dance whenever, dance wherever. There is joy in you, there is magic in you and only in motion can you find this part of yourself. Dance often, feel the music.”

He dips me low and as he raises me up I return to myself

I feel a hand in my own and turn to see Valdinor, my elfin seeming guide. “We are here to support you.” He says simply and squeezes my hand. The sun rises. The light envelops me with a fierce heat. I feel as if I am floating within a bubble of fire and light. The light seems to flow into me and then explode out my pores, my mouth, my eyes. I know I am hanging in the air like a burning crucifixion. All the bad in my body is being burned away. I am transitioning. The light in my eyes focuses and I see the path I should be walking on. I can see on either side the path I have been taking and the path I might take but I know the one before me is the one I should be walking. There is motion around me but I cannot see anything but the paths before me.

The heat begins to ease and I am lowered to the ground once more. The animals have formed a cirle around me. There are many. I have much to learn, much support to be given and many many friends who will help me on my way if I would put use them.

Horse

Platypus

Bengal Tiger

Wolf

Dog

Robin

Hawk

Jackal

Unicorn

Dragon

Ocelot

Lioness

Bat

Tortoise

Brown bear

Snake

Rhinoceros Beetle

A woman stands among the animals. She has blonde hair and a long white dress. The sun is still shining from her. I know without asking that if I were to ask her who she is she would reply “I am you and all that you can be, I am the mother gone before and the maiden yet to come, I am the wisdom of the ancient flowing in your veins, I am knowledge and peace, I am calm and surrender.”

She smiles and I feel peace inside. I know she will aid me if I call on her

A badger steps forward from the group. I had not noticed her before. She hands me a page and I read

‘Much in your life has fallen to the back or fallen away completely. You have been lost in things that do not move you forward as you must. Other things while being more irrelevant have thankfully given you a sense of power and intrigue. But now you must find the focus you once had. You must find the path once more. It is time to focus, a time for a new beginning. A time to become.

*Read all that you can

*Learn all that you wish

*Meditate daily

*Move your body freely to define it

*Eat what nature gives you and not only what man processes. You will feel better with a body cleansed

*Drink the flowing water, the more you drink the more pure you will feel

*Love

*Bring the child up as the child you wish him to be, teach him and he will learn

Daughter of the spirit, mother of the future, stop hiding in things you know to be meaningless. Stop denying you are who you are in the crutches of what other people may expect. Stop hiding. Why hide who you are and what you believe because of the frailty of others. Any who do not accept are not truly worthy. You are a bright shining light, do not be dimmed, do not shy away. Burn bright and burn well. Bring light to those you love and be a glimmer for those lost without their light.’

I move to give the piece of parchment back to the badger but she motions it is mine to keep. I know that I need to read it daily. I know I need to focus myself.

The woman in the white dress comes to stand at my left side. Valdinor still stands patiently at my right. They both place an arm around me and I am comforted and feel strong. I can feel my real world body healing itself. Renewing its energy. I know I can be who I want to be. I know I am no addict unable to see the things that are bad for me, the things that are wrong. I know my time of sickness is over, the transition complete. I am healed. I am whole. I am focused. I am ready

I know there is a lot of talk as to the validity of the books, if Anastasia truly exists. But I think that is somewhat beside the point. It is the wisdoms and truths discussed that should be of the most importance.

I find the books to be quite inspirational. And while I do not agree with every doctrine set forth, I believe that is still my choice.

I’m over three quarters of the way through it and I feel really good. I have been sitting in the lounge in the warm sunshine while Kaeden slept reading. I feel energised and filled through to the core with the warm glow of the sunshine and the words I have read. I have danced. I have written. I have thought. This is the way I want more of my days to be. I got up, checked my emails and then turned off my computer. I played with Kaeden and read when he did not want my attention. Then while he slept I read some more and as I said, danced, wrote, thought. And most of all I loved. I felt love for myself, I explored my love for others and for nature. If only I could remember how this feels and do it more often rather than being distracted by meaningless quizzes on facebook and earning non-existent coins on a game or talking to people who depress me, don’t understand me and really achieve nothing for my life, those “online friends” who really haven’t noticed that I am not online at the moment.

I know I am weak willed when it comes to most things of this technocratic world. I know I am lazy…finding it easier to grab a pie out of the freezer rather than heading outside to harvest a salad for my lunch. (Although I admit that is somewhat harder to do over winter). I choose to forget how good I feel when I do the things to make me feel good. I choose to forget how ill I felt after eating half a packet of chips. I need to take this warm feeling inside me now and remember it, cultivate it and strive to achieve it. I feel so happy and so alive right now doing the things I love to do. Why don’t I do them more.

My “instruction” to anyone who reads this today or any of the hundreds of tomorrows is to do something that fills you with light and warmth and do it. Be it reading, writing, taking a photo or hugging your child. Do it! And then keep doing it and keep finding the light and keep being you filled with light and warmth and love.

Lynx – Discernment – LOOK BEYOND immediate appearance

Raven – Magic – OWN your power

Butterfly – Transformation – Get ready for a BIG BREAKTHROUGH

Now my big thing I’ve been thinking about the last few days is my appearance and fitness level. I have been doing more dancing and I feel great from it. It not only gives me exercise but it boosts my self esteem and makes me feel creative and dear I say it…sexy…

I love to dance, I don’t know why I don’t do it more. I should because I love it sooooo much. I have thought about starting my own classes. Goddess Within. Using all the different styles of dance I have learned over the years and just my intuitive movement. It would be about helping other woman get fit, have fun and be comfortable in their own body and their own movement. So many are embarressed to even sway to the music for fear of what others would think watching them. And I have become the same in many ways. I used to have no problem having a bit of a boogie in front of other people but now a days I would be too embarressed because of the way I look. So I guess that means before I can help any other person find their Goddess Within I need to find my own. So I need to actually make the effort and dance my way to health and happiness.

I am a dancer I know deep in my heart that is one of my gifts, one of the things I am truly good at. I have to accept that and own it. I need to transform myself before I can help anyone else be transformed.

So there we go..the push I need to get active and dance for real.

Timed that well, now its time for K to have a nap

Dictionaries define bohemians as – A person with artistic or literary interests who disregards conventional standards of behaviour. The film ‘Moulin Rouge’ defined a bohemian as someone who values Freedom, Beauty, Truth and Love. The musical ‘Rent’ has a whole song and reprise dedicated to the concept (Click here to read the lyrics).

To me, Bohemian is all of the above and more. Bohemian is a state of mind. It is living for life, for Freedom, Beauty, Truth and Love, living for you, for everything you can be and all that the world can become.

There is no single all encompassing definition of any concept/theology/belief for differing people. We are all different and we exist in different ways. It does not take away from the truth any of us know or live by. And yes, you can disagree with that statement if you that’s how you feel….it would just be one small way we differ. There’s nothing wrong with that.

I am bohemian as I define it for me. (I can’t presume to define it for anyone else.) That is part of the bohemian truth I strive for.

Some would say I am not as I still live with creature comforts. I have a lovely house and lifestyle block. I have a car and nice clothes and I even have a piece of Swarovski designed jewellery. I have internet, I have Sky TV. I am not “slumming it” as some would say the true artistic bohemian does. But that does not change the things I truly value and strive for, balance and evolution among them.
At some stage maybe I will live a much simpler, rustic, good life and I may look back and say I was kidding myself that I could be a bohemian while still maintaining any sort of modern materialistic existence. But I doubt it.

I would love not to be reliant on material things; to be a truly evolved soul. I would love to not have any attachment to my Playstation Singstar games, my pretty shiny things, my favourite dressy top, but I do have attachment to these things for one reason. They help me express myself. Not define myself – I am still myself in all my glory without these things, but they do help me express my creativity, my uniqueness, my personality.

I love to sing even if I can’t do it in tune and Singstar allows an outlet for that love and a way to share it. My jewellery and my clothes are a reflection of how I feel and how I see myself. Coloured and accessorised for my mood. Some are homemade, some are second hand, and some are brand new. Although I can say, none of them cost all that much, even brand new.

Maybe that’s the bohemian in me I can’t see the point in spending hundreds of dollars on something that can be made or found for much less if you don’t need that named label in the back.

I buy DVD’s to watch, to lose myself in another world, to inspire my own imagination or purely for enjoyment.

Sure, now I have less money due to my lifestyle choices; I’ve now relegated these things well down the list and it will therefore be some time before I am buying any more. I don’t need them. They do not define me or own me.
I want to put my time and money elsewhere in my quest for my bohemian haven and heaven. Plants for the garden or a water tank are far more important to my existence. And now, my money priorities change again as I have a new life growing within me, a little baby soon to be born will need to be looked after and that is far more important than a copy of ‘Sweeney Todd’ on DVD.

I would love for a time when money means nothing (although currently we are heading towards it being worth nothing or buying next to nothing). I believe in a more co-operative existence. Bartering and helping each other to a better life. I would love nothing more than to have a community here on my own land and everyone sharing the load and getting everything they need and even things that they want. I am going to work to achieve something close to this.

I will create my own version of bohemianism in my soul and in my heart. I will learn to evolve and change. I will learn to sacrifice (as with any change or transformation there must be a loss or sacrifice of the old ways/life/existence/stuff). I will be a better me. For my sake, for the worlds sake, for my child’s sake.

There is nothing more powerful than being who you truly can be and achieving all that you have inside you. Whether it is who you are destined or fated to be means nothing if you don’t take the steps to get there.

I know I am going to stumble from time to time, going to stray from the path but eventually if I keep going I will get where I want to go. It does not matter how I got there as long as I take the journey.

I feel really confident and positive about life, about myself. So confident in fact I am willing to let people know about this site. Not scared about the reaction. And I know some people will have one. There are people who are not open to the concept of who I am and what I believe….or more to the point what I “don’t believe” even though they have no idea what I believe.

So I am going to put this site out there (even though I am not totally finished designing….I doubt I ever will be because it will change with my moods and myself) and see where the chips fall. For all I know no-one will even look or if they do they won’t care and I am gearing myself up for nothing….most probably…there is that ego again

I am determined to make my life what I want it to be. Make myself who I want to be. Stop hiding behind banality and fear. Hey if Donna Noble can be the most important person for the universe I can be in my universe. Truth be told I see myself as more of a Rose though… could be the blonde hair

This Salmon is swimming against the current to get where I need to go. Its a challenge and hard work but BRING IT ON!

Really this is a nonsensical rant with no point or meaning but its stuff I had to get out.
I am slowly transforming….and shockingly its movies that are doing it. Rot my brain tv watching. But movies are just a new form of storytelling. Sure you don’t create the pictures in your mind but hey….
I just watched what would be termed a chick flick from my childhood, Pump Up the Volume, with my once teen idolised Christian Slater. It was no oscar winning performance. It was no critic warming wonder. It was a teen movie about being true and talking hard. Say what you mean and mean what you say. And I’m doing that and I will continue to do it and (excuse my not so french) FUCK anyone who doesn’t like it. I don’t care you are no me. I am not scared of you be you fanatical, rigid or powerful. If the men in the black suits (or the white coats if it comes to that) are coming for me then as Christian said SO BE IT!

This is me I love me. My family loves me. My friends love me. Deal with it!