I know I’m usually a advocate of writing and doing the research after. But this story just won’t come. I know I am out of practice with my writing and need to get back into doing it daily and inviting my muse to come along and help out (read Stephen King on Writing to understand that reference). So doing this research is helping get my mind back into the game.

I also watched Practical Magic while I was researching. I love that movie and the way it makes me feel. The music is brilliant. I can see myself and my sisters in them too. There is an argument the sisters have and it is pretty much word for word one me and B had many years ago. I always cry at the end when they do the hands. Something about it really moves something deep inside. Plus watching it helped with some inspiration for my story.

The sun has come out today so that has helped my mood as well. As much as I love the moon I am a Leo, a child of the sun and it always helps energise me (even if it doesn’t seem to tan me anymore).

I think I shall go have a mandarin now and think about what I want to read next. I haven’t read a novel in a week or two and I am having withdrawls. I just need to find something to read. I am desperate to read “The Singing Stone” by OR Melling. But I cannot find anywhere in NZ that has it or sells it So off to the bookcase I go…

Dictionaries define bohemians as – A person with artistic or literary interests who disregards conventional standards of behaviour. The film ‘Moulin Rouge’ defined a bohemian as someone who values Freedom, Beauty, Truth and Love. The musical ‘Rent’ has a whole song and reprise dedicated to the concept (Click here to read the lyrics).

To me, Bohemian is all of the above and more. Bohemian is a state of mind. It is living for life, for Freedom, Beauty, Truth and Love, living for you, for everything you can be and all that the world can become.

There is no single all encompassing definition of any concept/theology/belief for differing people. We are all different and we exist in different ways. It does not take away from the truth any of us know or live by. And yes, you can disagree with that statement if you that’s how you feel….it would just be one small way we differ. There’s nothing wrong with that.

I am bohemian as I define it for me. (I can’t presume to define it for anyone else.) That is part of the bohemian truth I strive for.

Some would say I am not as I still live with creature comforts. I have a lovely house and lifestyle block. I have a car and nice clothes and I even have a piece of Swarovski designed jewellery. I have internet, I have Sky TV. I am not “slumming it” as some would say the true artistic bohemian does. But that does not change the things I truly value and strive for, balance and evolution among them.
At some stage maybe I will live a much simpler, rustic, good life and I may look back and say I was kidding myself that I could be a bohemian while still maintaining any sort of modern materialistic existence. But I doubt it.

I would love not to be reliant on material things; to be a truly evolved soul. I would love to not have any attachment to my Playstation Singstar games, my pretty shiny things, my favourite dressy top, but I do have attachment to these things for one reason. They help me express myself. Not define myself – I am still myself in all my glory without these things, but they do help me express my creativity, my uniqueness, my personality.

I love to sing even if I can’t do it in tune and Singstar allows an outlet for that love and a way to share it. My jewellery and my clothes are a reflection of how I feel and how I see myself. Coloured and accessorised for my mood. Some are homemade, some are second hand, and some are brand new. Although I can say, none of them cost all that much, even brand new.

Maybe that’s the bohemian in me I can’t see the point in spending hundreds of dollars on something that can be made or found for much less if you don’t need that named label in the back.

I buy DVD’s to watch, to lose myself in another world, to inspire my own imagination or purely for enjoyment.

Sure, now I have less money due to my lifestyle choices; I’ve now relegated these things well down the list and it will therefore be some time before I am buying any more. I don’t need them. They do not define me or own me.
I want to put my time and money elsewhere in my quest for my bohemian haven and heaven. Plants for the garden or a water tank are far more important to my existence. And now, my money priorities change again as I have a new life growing within me, a little baby soon to be born will need to be looked after and that is far more important than a copy of ‘Sweeney Todd’ on DVD.

I would love for a time when money means nothing (although currently we are heading towards it being worth nothing or buying next to nothing). I believe in a more co-operative existence. Bartering and helping each other to a better life. I would love nothing more than to have a community here on my own land and everyone sharing the load and getting everything they need and even things that they want. I am going to work to achieve something close to this.

I will create my own version of bohemianism in my soul and in my heart. I will learn to evolve and change. I will learn to sacrifice (as with any change or transformation there must be a loss or sacrifice of the old ways/life/existence/stuff). I will be a better me. For my sake, for the worlds sake, for my child’s sake.

There is nothing more powerful than being who you truly can be and achieving all that you have inside you. Whether it is who you are destined or fated to be means nothing if you don’t take the steps to get there.

I know I am going to stumble from time to time, going to stray from the path but eventually if I keep going I will get where I want to go. It does not matter how I got there as long as I take the journey.

Really this is a nonsensical rant with no point or meaning but its stuff I had to get out.
I am slowly transforming….and shockingly its movies that are doing it. Rot my brain tv watching. But movies are just a new form of storytelling. Sure you don’t create the pictures in your mind but hey….
I just watched what would be termed a chick flick from my childhood, Pump Up the Volume, with my once teen idolised Christian Slater. It was no oscar winning performance. It was no critic warming wonder. It was a teen movie about being true and talking hard. Say what you mean and mean what you say. And I’m doing that and I will continue to do it and (excuse my not so french) FUCK anyone who doesn’t like it. I don’t care you are no me. I am not scared of you be you fanatical, rigid or powerful. If the men in the black suits (or the white coats if it comes to that) are coming for me then as Christian said SO BE IT!

This is me I love me. My family loves me. My friends love me. Deal with it!