Transformation Affirmation » self

Choose your mood

jai — Sat, 23 May 2009 20:19:20 +0000

As they say in the book Fish. Well I think it was FISH anyway. Today’s animal card is Horse – Freedom – You always have a choice.
Today I got up and went to play SPP (I am still playing but its back to be a non-time consuming fun thing. The platform is down. No big for me. Because I choose it to be no big. But some people are angry and bitchin and working themselves up. It is not needed. They are choosing to let a meaningless game dictate their lives and emotions and stress levels. I am not.

Okay so today is a good day where I am able to choose my mood, pick my battles. I had a good nights sleep. Kaeden is being good (well good for Kaeden, he has tried to go exploring into forbidden territory a few times lol) and I feel good. So its an easy decision. The trick will be remembering this wisdom and this enlightenment when I am not feeling the same way. When I am tired and grouchy and feel the world is conspiring to make my life a misery. (Cause I am egotistical enough to think the universe has nothing better to do with time that to make me miserable). I need to bring myself to the point when I am miserable that I can remember and can actually choose my mood. It would make my life so much better if I did. Because at the end of the day my grump is only making me more miserable. I should find something to be happy about, or enthused about. Take a walk, meditate, watch Practical Magic, have a hug. Anything that inspires good feelings.
Sometimes we need some help to be able to choose our mood positively. And getting help is not cheating or defeating the purpose.

Today I am choosing my mood. Today I am choosing to feel positive and loved. To feel snuggly in a warm home listening to the rain fall outside. The rain that will help the grotto grow..sorry too much Johnny and the Sprites with Kaeden. Instead of dreading tomorrow being alone here with K, I am enjoying being with A.

So remember don’t sweat the petty things and don’t pet the sweaty things!

Grown up

jai — Mon, 18 May 2009 04:35:34 +0000

I tell people that I cannot be 29 this year. 29 is grown up and I am not a grown up. And its true. A grown up was always those people in control of their lives, doing what they wanted. Living it large and loud in their own way. I feel most of the time no more in control of my life than I did as a teenager.
Then as a teen I raged against the rules and restrictions others had on my life, mistakenly thinking they were destroying my life. But now I rile against the rules and restrictions of people I don’t even respect of like…at least my parents had a right to tell me what to do. But now there are politicians and business people and academics telling me how to live my life and putting in all these rules of how I must live my life and what I HAVE to do. And what is most disgusting is as a teen I stood up and screamed against my oppression. Now I stay so silent.
I am scared to say what I mean and share who I am and how I feel. I am worried what nobodys at the other end of an internet connection might think of me if I stop playing a stupid game and have a meaningful life. Its bullshit! Who should I care. I don’t know them and they have no say over my happiness, my life.
I don’t say what I think about a corrupt system of control of our society. No longer for the people by the people but for the few by the few making millions for the few. Its all about money baby. Money that never used to exist. And sure things were pretty shit for most people in the past as far as we know and we can tell but do we honestly know they were that unhappy. Maybe being poor and using a pot for a toilet is a more satisfying life if you can get your hands dirty achieving something in your daily work, singing at the top of your lungs, sharing an ale with your friends, having an adventure just by travelling away from the house. Maybe they were happy and we are the poor schmucks living the nightmare.

Really this is a nonsensical rant with no point or meaning but its stuff I had to get out.
I am slowly transforming….and shockingly its movies that are doing it. Rot my brain tv watching. But movies are just a new form of storytelling. Sure you don’t create the pictures in your mind but hey….
I just watched what would be termed a chick flick from my childhood, Pump Up the Volume, with my once teen idolised Christian Slater. It was no oscar winning performance. It was no critic warming wonder. It was a teen movie about being true and talking hard. Say what you mean and mean what you say. And I’m doing that and I will continue to do it and (excuse my not so french) FUCK anyone who doesn’t like it. I don’t care you are no me. I am not scared of you be you fanatical, rigid or powerful. If the men in the black suits (or the white coats if it comes to that) are coming for me then as Christian said SO BE IT!

This is me I love me. My family loves me. My friends love me. Deal with it!

Your life is an occasion…rise to it!

jai — Thu, 07 May 2009 22:08:32 +0000

Okay so the site isn’t finished yet, still tweaking still creating but that is no reason to not use it. I realised that today watching Mr Magorium’s Wonder Emporium. It was amazing. Belief and action. So here I am. Mr Magorium says the title of this entry. And it is the best advice.

I’ve spent weeks crapping around playing Superpoke Pets, chatting and playing with Kaeden. Not achieving anything…other than mothering which is such a fulfilling achievement. But that ends today. Today I am going to rise to the occasion and achieve things.

I had a chat with a friend this morning and realising how I differed from him made me realise who I am. I am not him I am not anybody else I am me. And I need to be me and achieve what I want to achieve and do what I want to do. I have these plans and these dreams and I am never going to get them clicking pets.

I am making a new affirmation today to be me again. To explore myself (that sounds quite rude lol) as a person, as a spirit. Today I celebrate the me that is me, Sunday I will celebrate the me that is mother.

I am me hear me rawr!