Dolphin – Playfulness- Take time to Play

Antelope – Decisiveness – MAKE A DECISION and take appropriate action

Wolf – Guardian – YOU ARE SAFE and protected at all times

So life is doing that fun thing where it spirals out of your control and you feel totally helpless. I don’t want to go into details but life decisions and money are all conspiring to change the long term game plan.

I don’t like not feeling in control of my life because of things like a global economy breakdown, things I cannot in any way or shape control or bend to my almighty will. It blows the big one. Things that greedy men in power do to control the world and bend us over and give us one whether we like it or not.

But there are things in my life I can control and perhaps I am realising this morning I need to concentrate on them. Like my own body, what I eat, how much I exercise, how much I write and read. Things I am not really doing. Can I really complain about the big picture being out of my control when I won’t even make the effort to control the little picture? I’ve become too involved in internet life. I seem to go from one obsession to the next with it, from SPP to myspace to facebook to twitter. Granted it is fun, I am making friends and in the role playing being creative but is it really what I need to be doing to head my life in the right direction.

I keep lamenting everytime I look in the mirror the baby weight that is still hiding my real figure. The one I see in my head, the one I feel in my heart. Not a stick thin waif or anything, the curvy toned body of a dancer, of a minx (giggle). The way I know I want to look. I complain and complain and then have another banana split for dessert and look at my exercycle thinking “You know I should ride that tonight while we watch a movie.” And then I don’t. It is all my own fault. I love doing Zumba and Carman Electra Fit to Strip. I love to practice my dancing. So why the hell don’t I do it more. Because I let myself get pulled into the easy stuff, the fun stuff. I am my own self destructive obsession.

My goal this year is to get my writing to the point where I can approach an agent and say “Look I have these three separate novel series, I have these short stories, I have these children books and these poems. I have 672 other ideas waiting to be written. I am a cash cow for you if you will get the right publishing contract. I can make us both a shit load of money.” But I can’t do that while they sit half written, half edited, half created. And so far this year I have written twice. In 11 days I have created hardly anything. It is crap and I have very little excuse. I could have used free time for writing rather than tweeting, rather than watching nothing on television.

Sure I need time to play and keep my sanity but I don’t need as much time as I have been taking in the past.

Today hubs went back to work. So today starts my new routine, my new lifestyle. I can control these parts of my life. I can achieve what I want to achieve in these areas and perhaps the macrocosm will reflect the micro and I can gain control on the other parts of my life or at least gain the understanding that I do not need to control these things in my life. That not everything is controllable just the things I can. I can control things and I need to. And until I learn to control the small aspects of my life the easily controllable ones I will control nothing else.

The clock is ticking, my life is not infinite, I am thirty this year and I have no achieved some of the things that I had planned (Though I have two of the most important, a loving marriage and a wonderful child). So time to pull finger and get to it.

Today I start to find my own control.

Rabbit – Fertility – You Creativity is at a peak
Buffalo – Abundance – You are provided for in all ways
Cougar – Confidence – Be bold and take charge
Lion – Courage – Ask for what you want
Otter – Surrender – Let go of control

I dreamed of an animal I still don’t know what it was but I was leaning towards leopard or cougar so I guess it makes sense that a big cat popped up in my reading.

Last night I was feeling a bit sorry for myself that I had all this time and nothing to do. Totally wrong of course as a writer there is always something to do if I just man up and make an effort. Its like that with most things with me. If I actually get my a into g and do something I can achieve all kinds of things. I’m not sure why I am so wired sometimes to laziness and copping out.

I need to get over that and grow up. Every decision I make is my own and I do not need to let so many “hard-wired” things control my life. I let myself seem that way, nothing else is controlling me just me.

So last night I did some writing, and this morning I did some more. I’ve done some house keeping and made a loaf of bread that is cooking. I can achieve so much. No minute should be wasted. I have no excuses except myself and I hate when people make stupid excuses so I shouldn’t let myself.

Thanks!!

Within the Water Flows http://www.transformationaffirmation.com/jai-the-bard/poetry-for-vote/within-the-water-flows/

Maiden to Mother http://www.transformationaffirmation.com/jai-the-bard/poetry-for-vote/maiden-to-mother/

Redemption http://www.transformationaffirmation.com/jai-the-bard/poetry-for-vote/redemption/

Bardic Satire http://www.transformationaffirmation.com/jai-the-bard/poetry-for-vote/bardic-satire/

Guise of the Goddess http://www.transformationaffirmation.com/jai-the-bard/poetry-for-vote/guise-of-the-goddess/

The Laws Prayer http://www.transformationaffirmation.com/jai-the-bard/poetry-for-vote/the-laws-prayer/

Dewdrops and Feathers Fall http://www.transformationaffirmation.com/jai-the-bard/poetry-for-vote/dewdrops-and-feathers-fall/

Dream Lessons http://www.transformationaffirmation.com/jai-the-bard/poetry-for-vote/dream-lessons/

Cassandra http://www.transformationaffirmation.com/jai-the-bard/poetry-for-vote/cassandra/

Parting http://www.transformationaffirmation.com/jai-the-bard/poetry-for-vote/parting/

Jai The Fae

For me it re inspired me to finish re-reading my Merlin trilogy by Mary Stewart. And also to re-watch King Arthur. These are the versions of the legends I enjoy more. Versions I could believe a lot more. I used to love the other tales of King Arthur and Guinevere and Lancelet as a kid. But not anymore really. I prefer the tales leading up to his Kingship. The tales of Merlin, the tales that could be more historically accurate. (Not saying that they are just that they could be).

I recently caught a few minutes of Stargate SG1 that was talking to a goddess or alien who was also Morgana. Looked interesting. So might have to watch Stargate SG1 sometime. I never did get a chance to watch it. I think it was on the same night as ATC.

Why is it that we love, or for some love to hate, the tales of Arthur and Merlin. They draw on the archetypes within our souls. But why have they endured so much more than other tales that have the same base. Feel free to give me an answer because I do not know. Like the other night we were talking about why Harry Potter has done so unbelievably well compared to better written stories like those of Artemis Fowl or Bartimeus. Which came out around the same time. There was just something in there that captured the right element of soul to speak to millions of people.

I wish I knew what the right formula was. I want to write that kind of books to speak to the masses. They light a spark or a fire within the soul of the reader. That speak down generations (granted Harry Potter hasn’t had the chance to do that but will be interesting to see if it is as long read as say Tolkein). I want to do that. Not for the money (tho that would be nice) but for the impact. To take the imaginings in my soul and mould the world. That is my big dream! My littlier more realistic one is to just touch one soul, maybe a couple. To make someone think, to make someone dream, to make someone imagine. To help someone find any wisdoms or imaginings locked inside their own heart. To my mind that is the dream of every true writer.

I feel good about the work I have done towards my writing this week. I stayed away from myspace and facebook. I read, I researched and I wrote. I started a short story. I started a couple of kids books (really little kids books with like 2 sentences per page) and I worked on my novels. Two ideas I have long had have melded together in my mind and I think will really work. I am really excited about writing again. My biggest problem with writing during K’s naps is how noisy my keyboard is. It has been known to wake him before. And considering I work in the open plan lounge/dining. There is no door to close to help dull the noise. Which is unfortunate. But I will figure out away around it.

I also transcribed a few poems from notebook to word document. Only about 300 to go lol! And I will go through and pick some out to put on the poetry blog. (Jai the Bard)

Now time to write my first review

I know I’m usually a advocate of writing and doing the research after. But this story just won’t come. I know I am out of practice with my writing and need to get back into doing it daily and inviting my muse to come along and help out (read Stephen King on Writing to understand that reference). So doing this research is helping get my mind back into the game.

I also watched Practical Magic while I was researching. I love that movie and the way it makes me feel. The music is brilliant. I can see myself and my sisters in them too. There is an argument the sisters have and it is pretty much word for word one me and B had many years ago. I always cry at the end when they do the hands. Something about it really moves something deep inside. Plus watching it helped with some inspiration for my story.

The sun has come out today so that has helped my mood as well. As much as I love the moon I am a Leo, a child of the sun and it always helps energise me (even if it doesn’t seem to tan me anymore).

I think I shall go have a mandarin now and think about what I want to read next. I haven’t read a novel in a week or two and I am having withdrawls. I just need to find something to read. I am desperate to read “The Singing Stone” by OR Melling. But I cannot find anywhere in NZ that has it or sells it So off to the bookcase I go…

Hawk- Focus- CHOOSE YOUR PRIORITIES and eliminate all distractions.

Pretty pointed. But the weird/coincindinkle part is that I had a dream that featured a hawk very prominintly in it. So I’m thinking its a very BIG message. I woke up with a great idea for a story. I have done very little writing lately. Or researching for that matter. I think its about time I did. This idea, like many of my ideas, could be a good short story for the time being.

I need to relearn how to write a short story, they always tend to get away from me. So I think I should start back on writing again. I admit this week with being unwell I have been playing a bit of alchemy, too much SPP and spent far to much time on facebook leaving crazy comments on Lynette’s quiz results. I may have also watched a little DOOL (I know how sad is that….but its stuff I heard about 5 years ago when it was on in the states and we are only just getting it now. )(still no excuse I know!)

So some writing today I reckon. Now I just need to decide on the name I like better “Coven of 13″ or “13 of the power” or maybe I should just write and worry later

So this morning I have knocked out three blog posts and posted onto the forum (which I hope one day will be discovered and take off)

Soon I am going to start reading Stephen King On Writing again. I am going to think about what I want to write about. Choose an idea and run with it. Even if it is just a short story. I need to realise that not every idea I have is brilliant enough to be a novel! (There is that ego again that keeps popping up)

Before i sign off I just want to say Thank You Stephen King for writing On Writing. And maybe one day I’ll get to thank you myself!

Buy on Amazon
Stephen King’s Website